Yes, I think I can dance...and sing, cook, sew, and model

I am addicted to reality shows. Not all of them, mind you, and not addicted like an addict is for crack or a fat kid is for cake, but nevertheless, craving my reality show goodness.
My plot of choice?
Take X number of people who all want to (become the next American Idol, Top Model, fashion designer, Top Chef, or favorite dancer in America). Put them through sometimes painful audition processes, make them jump through 5 page 'applications', and then shove them in a house/apartment/mansion/shack on the beach to build camaraderie and allow us to hear "I'm not here to make friends" a million times.

I want to be one of these people. But only for about 5 minutes.

As a rather talentless person, I cannot sing, I dance like a spastic hamster, the last shirt I made looked more like an...I don't even know, it was that bad...and I burn Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Oh, and I'm really short and rotund, so modeling is definitely out. That does not mean, however, that I can't dream of one day joining the ranks of....that guy from "So You Think You Can Dance", or that chick from "Top Chef".

And as long as they keep airing these shows, I'll keep watching, ignoring my own lack of talent as I laugh at Bob's ability to sew a proper hem or Joe's forgetting to salt his food. Because what is reality TV for if not to make us feel better about ourselves? Barring that, pointing and mocking is always good for a laugh or two.

For love of the Living Dead...pt. 1

Having just finished re-reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and inspired by this awesome article, I have decided to compile my list of favorite movie Zombies (in no particular order at the moment), part 1.

1) Karen, the Little Girl from Night of the Living Dead
Sure, she seems sweet and innocent at first - a sick little girl seeking shelter at the farmhouse. Then it all goes terribly wrong. Who wasn't shocked the first time they watched NotLD and saw Karen eating her Dad before stabbing her mom and running upstairs to join the zombie attack?


2) Bub, Day of the Dead
Ok, so he's chained up by the post-zombie apocalypse survivors living in an underground bunker in Florida. But while the scientists think that they're domesticating him, he's really just biding his time. Because being able to shave, brush his teeth, and listen to sweet tunes with his Walkman can't distract him from the pull of juicy brains.
Plus, he can fire a gun with remarkable aim for a dead guy.

3) Ed, Shaun of the Dead
If your best mate is already a lazy slop who dribbles food on himself and has a decided lack of hygiene at times, becoming a zombie might not be that much of a transition. After heroically battling the forces of zombiedom, Ed sacrifices himself to save his mates, and ends up a zombie. A chained-in-the-shed, video game playing zombie.

4) Fido, Fido
A product od space dust, Fido is one of many zombies domesticated thanks to ZomCom's collars. He mows the lawn, helps a lonely housewife, and befriends her young son. Of course, he still takes time to eat the neighbors. He's the Old Yeller of Zombies.

TERMINATOR: SALVATION

I grew up watching Terminator. Besides Dirty Dancing, Jaws, & the Goonies, it was one of those movies that I knew by heart. And then 'T2' came around, and joined the list. It took the first one and one-upped it, creating a masterpiece of modern-day science fiction that stands the test of time. (My giant crush on Edward Furlong didn't hurt it in my eyes, either)
And then came 'T3: Rise of whatever' which took my beloved Terminator and made a joke out of it. Horrible casting, ridiculous plot, and a worthless villain (Where's Robert Patrick when you need him?) made this one of the worst movies I've ever seen...and I sat through Battlefield Earth without walking out. My Terminator statue actually cried when T3 came out.

So I was looking forward to Salvation. It can't be as bad as the 3rd one, I told myself. I kept abreast of the news online, cheered when the trailer forst played in theater, and bought my tix to the midnight show in advance.
And, hey, at leat it's not as bad as the 3rd one. As we exited the theater, by brother asked what was up with the movie - it seemed so disjointed. When he learned that many parts were re-written to provide a bigger role for John Connor, it all made sense. BEcause really, (my love for EF aside), the biggest draw has never been John Connor. It's been about humanity batteling the machines, and the fight to retain humanity in the face of technology...a theme that more and more can relate to as our world continues to go digital. So trying to interject him detracts from what would have been the untimate man vs machine showdown - Marcus Wright against himself. And that was the cause of all of my dissatisfaction with the film. The excellent effects and plethora of new terminators couldn't make up for the extremely short run time and feeling that the writers put 2 scripts in a blender and made a disjointed smoothie.

And, seriously, why was JC's wife pregnant? What purpose did that serve?

Summer Fever (aka When is work over?)

As someone surrounded by teenagers every day, senioritis is something that I am accustomed to. But this is getting ridiculous. Everyone is going crazy.
A few examples:
-walking around today, i saw 3 different countdown signs - in a classroom, on the maintenance truck, and posted on a wall. Like anyone needs reminding that we're almost out.
-while walking, the dulcet tones of Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Forest Gump, and the Jurassic Park dinosaurs could be heard wafting out of classrooms. I know that FG can be rationalized as 'history', but come on.
-no one is doing homework because it interefers with custom prom dress fittings.
-crossword puzzles have become standard assignments.

Not that I'm complaining, because I have one of those countdown tear-off chains at home.

And the comment of the day, said while watching a video on famine in Africa: "Why are those people so skinny?"
Really??

This is a small...

While on vacation in Missouri (why, you ask, would anyone go to Missouri? No clue, and I was there) I stumbled upon a magical place called "Lamberts Cafe". This place is amazing not only because this cup (note size compared to the ketchup bottle) is the small and you get all the sides you want in unlimited quantities, but because if you want bread they THROW IT AT YOU.

That's right, folks. Uncomfortably hot rolls are, per your request for tasty bread goodness, chucked at you. If you happen to be someone with no hand-eye coordination, like me, this can be a bad thing....especially if you're the person sitting behind me. I got it right after only a few attempts. I would go back in a heartbeat.

And judging by the massive crowd waiting for tables, many agree with me.

Tasty Beans

All things gummi are good. Here, MVP models the latest in Jelly Belly fashion.